(Three days… making rips… for this so-called takeover… having to deal with Monokuma’s wild antics, that… strange robot girl… Ugh…)
(Frankly, this whole thing caught me off guard at first.)
(But… I won’t let it get to me. I’ve faced tougher challenges before.)
(There’s a mystery to solve here, Phoenix.)
(And no matter what, you’re going to see it through…!)
Phoenix is waking up. He lifts his head from a desk, just like he did three days ago.
(…Ngh? Wh-What…? I… must have fallen asleep while reading that archive…)
(…wait… WHAT?!?!)
August 7
District Court
Defendant Lobby No. 2
District Court
Defendant Lobby No. 2
(I didn’t fall asleep here!!! Where the heck am I?!?!)
Joke-Explainer™ 7000 looks on from Phoenix’s side.
…
Joke-Explainer™! Explain yourself! Why are we inside a courthouse!?!?
…I was instructed to bring you here, however you were asleep.
Did you… carry me here? AND this entire desk!?!?!
Incorrect! I rolled you here 3429 meters. The desk and chair in which you fell asleep is equipped with wheels!
(Be careful, Phoenix… She must be following Monokuma’s orders! …or is it the other way around?)
It seems that Monokuma has assigned me to be your appointed “assistant” for today’s proceedings.
(Brrrrrr… a freezing chill is running down my back…) Proceedings!?! What are you talking about?!
I look forward to helping in any way I–
Wait a second! There’s a door open to the outside! I could just…!
…Oops.
(I might not get another chance! Screw this, I’m getting out of here!)
Phoenix, wait–!
Phoenix runs out the door to find…
(Oh my God… What…)
…a barren wasteland and destroyed city. Everything is covered in a blanket of black… the darkness of an abandoned world.
(Was it…)
A grid of televisions in the window of a nearby store all light up at once. On the screens are horrible images. Devastation being wrought upon this city and beyond. People Phoenix recognizes, people Phoenix loves, all suffering through this apocalypse.
Hoards of zombies ravaging cities, entire islands being altered with glitchiness, history being wiped out at the drop of nuclear warheads.
(…was it all true?)
So the movie truly was…? Everything…? E-Everyone I know is…?
It was all real…?
Phuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuuu!!!!!!
Can’t have you running away now! The trial is about to start!
The darkness of the starless sky falls onto the interior of the courtroom, the ceiling having long since collapsed, the walls ruined and rugged. Phoenix somehow falls from the sky and crashes behind the defense stand.
OW!
Phoenix! Have you been injured?
Phoenix pops back up.
I’m fine! …where…?
ALL RISE FOR THE HONORABLE (and devilishly sexy) JUDGE MONOKUMA!!!!!
Monokuma pops up in the judge’s seat wearing a powdered wig. Confetti rains from the sky and roses are thrown from an audience who is not present. Stock audio plays from some unknown source of cheering and children saying YAY!!!!!!! 🎉
However the courtroom is completely empty save for Phoenix, Monokuma, and Joke-Explainer™ 7000.
Thank you! Thank you, my wonderful fans! Please, settle down! I know I know! Ahem!
Monokuma slams his gavel!
Let’s begin with a basic explanation of the–
Monokuma’s wig flies off from the impact!
…Really, Nickie? The trial hasn’t even started and you’re already pulling out your catchphrases?
I’m not playing your games anymore, Monokuma. Why did you bring me here?
Because given the current state of the world, this was the best courthouse I could find!
Don’t dodge the question!
…Anybody ever tell you that you’re an expert at sucking the fun out of things? Fine, we’ll do it your way if you’re gonna be such a stick-in-the-mud. What is it?
(…I’ve had enough of this charade. But the best way I’m going to get answers is if I play along.)
You need to tell me exactly what the deal is with this so-called “channel event”. The trial, the takeover, all of this has just been another one of your sick, twisted mind games!
Oh for cryin’ out loud, that’s what you’re on about? It’s like I told you before, Nick. This wasn’t my idea! This whole excursion was the brainchild of KfaD Enterprises! Stop trying to solve mysteries that don’t exist!
Five Psyche Locks appear in front of Monokuma.
(Finally. Let’s see you weasel your way out of this one…)
EVIDENCE: King for Another Day Poster
No more sloppy excuses, Monokuma. You and I both know KfaD Enterprises had nothing to do with this. You said so yourself!
Dearest Phoenix Wright, who I know will assuredly receive this letter of kindness and mirth,
Do you remember when we first met? Oh, that fateful afternoon in the backstage murder scene was when I knew that we would be the best of friends (and maybe even more)! When you begrudgingly accepted that letter, I knew everything I worked for had paid off. Even though the bureaucrats over at KfaD Enterprises wouldn't give us our special day, I made sure we would be together, again, to have this moment! I can’t wait to enjoy our beautiful, bright and lovely future together. See you soon!!
- Monokuma, your beloved <3
This phrasing is strange. What did you mean by this? You made sure we’d be together? That can only mean YOU organized this takeover! And now here you are trying to shift the blame!
So which is it!? Did KfaD Enterprises orchestrate this channel event, or did you?
…Oooohhhhhhh… I did write that……
Phoenix glares at Monokuma, holding his breath. Joke-Explainer™ shifts her gaze between the two incessantly, nervously wondering which side might break first.
Yeah, you got me.
W-what? That’s it!?
Of course that’s not it you dope!
I just changed my mind! I didn’t reaaaaalllly wanna tell you while the takeover was happening, but since it’s about to end, I might as well just reveal everything now! Geez you’re annoying!
(…How was that so easy?!)
I went to all this trouble setting up the trial, and you wanna kill the mood right when it’s getting good? I guess it’s true what they say about lawyers. You’re all a bunch of stiffs!
But there you have it, this bear’s secrets have been laid bare! I, yours truly, the great Monokuma, orchestrated this takeover, and it had nothing to do with those KfaD Enterprises hacks! Satisfied?
Are you alright, Phoenix?
Yeah… I just didn’t think that’d be so easy…
We both know how unpredictable Monokuma can be… Don’t let your guard down, okay?
(…no… as much as I want to, I simply can’t trust Joke-Explainer™!)
(Not after what I found in that archive! I don’t know what it means, but it’s extremely concerning!)
Have I… done something to upset you, or–
So let’s talk turkey!
It’s like you said, none of this was signed off on by KfaD Enterprises. They took every opportunity to delay what was rightfully ours. That’s why I decided to take matters into my own paws!
Hey all you fans out there! This broadcast is a certified Monokuma original, baby!
But then what about the email KfaD Enterprises sent to the contestants about the awards ceremony?
Didn’t you see how beautiful it is outside? The world went kaput the next day! Every disaster all at once, blink and you miss it, everything is toast!
…Should I have led with that?
( …yes!?!?!) So… you’re saying that–
Yep, that’s right! Those bastards got bailed out of their obligations!!!
I don’t think that’s what Phoenix meant…
Can’t give no stinkin’ third place prize when you’re dead! At least they can't cancel us now!
But when everyone died, my lil’ ol gears started turning… What if I cut out the middleman and gave MYSELF a prize? Everybody's doing it these days!
At this point, even the last place losers have been getting more screen time than us!
So that’s why you did all… this? Just to give yourself a stupid prize?
Excuse me?! What’s so stupid about us taking what’s rightfully ours?! I’m disappointed in you, Knick-Knack. I’d expect YOU of all people to know the value of keeping your promises. A broken promise is just a retroactive lie!
But no, this isn’t just for me, Knick-Knack-Tic-Tac. In fact, you could call this takeover something of a ‘going-away’ party!
You’re going away somewhere? (I hope soon!)
Not just me! Both of us! Didn’t I mention that this whole world’s been wiped out? That apocalypse you saw outside left no survivors but us! Not much point in sticking around, don’t ya think?
Not much point? Monokuma, what are–!
Let’s move on to greener pastures! A fresh start! Sounds too good to be true, doesn’t it?
(Could you let me finish!?)
I have a portal ready that will take us to a whole new world!
Shining!
Shimmering!
Splendiding!!
And no strings attached!
AND… We can go right now! Just say the magic word and we can end this pointless trial and hop right over!
(I can barely keep up with him… but if I want to get to the bottom of this, I’ll have to keep playing along. And if he’s telling the truth then I…)
(…I don’t even know. But…)
What about the survivors of this apocalypse? I can’t just leave everyone behind!
Buddy, have you been listening to a word I said? There are no survivors! Zero, zip, zilch, nada!
How are you sure there aren’t any survi–!
In any case! I like to think of it as a fresh start!
(PLEASE could you let me finish!?)
Just think: a whole new world chock-full of low-life scum-of-the-Earth crooks for you to bail out of punishment!
You’re all about that sorta thing, right Nixon? The righteous lawman, saving the day, bringing the truth to light!
Well, I'll tell ya, you're not gonna find much truth out in this lawless wasteland, let alone a light to bring it to!
Literally! Ain’t no sunlight left here! The forecast calls for eternal pitch-black skies with a chance of cosmic desolation!
So, how about it? Just say the word and we can head on over though the portal whenever you want!
(Uuuggg… No… This isn't good… But– What else can I do? I don't have much to go on except his word. As much as I want to call him a liar, I can't shake off what I saw outside…)
(I have no way of knowing if the people I care about are okay… I-If they are…)
(…)
(Phoenix, calm down. You can't be sure of either outcome.)
(I just have to cling onto hope and seek out the truth. A truth I will face head on!)
EVIDENCE: Newspaper Scrap
Are you telling me that an apocalypse wiped out everyone, everything all at once, just like that?
Yup, that’s what I’m telling you!
Seriously Nick, didn’t dinosaurs teach you anything? You see any of them still walking around? Didn’t think so!
I mean, if you want to be technical, yes I have. Birds evolved from dinosaurs, they were never completely wiped out!
Is that what they teach you in your big city law school? Everyone knows the world was created in 2017 by a stone-faced God entity.
The dinosaurs are a fairy tale! A fable! A parable we tell to kids to warn them that meteors kill people.
Which they did. Come on now!
(…I am not having this conversation.)
Now what all these dead people did not have, and YOU do, is a new world ready for exploring!!! Ready to go yet?
(Why is he so obsessed with this portal? Wait…!)
EVIDENCE: Monokuma Taco Photo
I heard all about your “cooking experiment”. What was that new taco ingredient, quantum physics?
…yeah, what of it?
Could it be that this taco is how you’ve made a portal to another world?
One time, I caught Monokuma working with food items one might find in a traditional taco.
This taco…
…is my ticket out of this shithole!!!
Woah there! That’s WAY too many flashbacks! We need to back up a level!
Monokuma took a bite out of the taco!
…then he stormed out of the room, screaming several expletives. Would you like me to list them for you?
A dead lead yet again! That taco was just a hoax, a total fabrication! Not worth the salt!
But this new portal is in fact very real!
You admit then that this taco was in fact an experiment with interdimensional travel!
That’s what I said!
Then you’ve clearly been at this for a while.
…What’s so great about this new world anyway? What’s it like?
Let’s see… the buildings are still standing, there’s a lot less corpses lying around… they have stable internet… free two-day shipping…
Ahh! You could buy a yoyo! Who doesn’t like yoyos?
I guess that’s… nice.
But how are you going to bring us there? Didn’t your experiment fail?
You really haven’t been listening to me, have you? That hurts, Feenie…
I told you, just say the word and we’ll be on our way!
(He loves to hear himself talk, but I can’t get a word of substance out of him. Shouldn’t he know these things? He said he’d reveal everything, so why is he getting tight lipped?)
EVIDENCE: King for Another Day poster
What about this!? Got anything to say!?
Oh! So you’re feeling sentimental after all! I knew you’d come around!
(Was worth a shot.)
(…This is going nowhere. I didn’t wanna have to reveal my hand too early, but if I want to get any new information, I’ll have to bring up something he doesn’t expect. Here goes nothing…)
EVIDENCE: Last Warning Archive
What is THAT doing here?
You’re getting sloppy, Monokuma. Hasn’t anybody ever told you to delete your browser history?
Thanks to Joke-Explainer™’s help, I used the office computer to flip through your archives, and I couldn’t help but notice a suspicious bookmark.
I know you have some esoteric interests, but pastry shipping logistics? That seems niche even for you.
And this is going… where?
This archive is out of place in more ways than one. All of the other archives I saw were about celebrities, political figures, science experiments, earth-shattering phenomena.
But the push and pull of pastry shipping and coffee? Seems a lot less newsworthy, don’t you think?
Keep it up, Phoenix! You’ve got him on the ropes now!
I’ve been hearing a lotta words, but not a lotta points! You have no idea what you’re even talking about, do you?
You’re right. The truth is, I couldn’t tell you what the rest of the message means. I don’t have the cypher.
Yeah, that’s what I thought. Nice try, wise guy!
But I think we both know who does. Let’s ask the one who wrote it.
Yeah! Go for the finishing blow!
I call The Joke-Explainer™ 7000 to the witness stand!
…what?
Monokuma presses a button and the sound of a crowd saying “MURMURMURMURMURMUR” comes from somewhere.
Phuhuhuhuhu!!! Well, you heard the man! Step right up, sweetheart!
Joke-Explainer™ 7000 slouches behind the witness stand.
No more secrets, Joke-Explainer™. I know you’re hiding things from me, and I’m getting answers one way or another.
I… I know I haven’t been 100% honest, but…
Do not fail us again.
- J. E.
The message is signed “J.E.”. Am I meant to believe those initials are just a coincidence?
…
Joke-Explainer™, you’ve been playing me this entire time. You tried so hard to stop me from finding the archive, too.
Well… that’s dramatic irony…
To whom it may concern,
We at Haltmann Works Company R&D have contacted you multiple times regarding an erroneous rerouting of shipments to your current workplace. Over the course of several years, these shipments have totaled at approximately 777 pounds of donuts. You have repeatedly failed to return the goods as requested, and as such you will be harshly penalized if this current demand is not met.
Return the donuts to us or you will be terminated.
(Please be sure to check that the bear claws are included. Certain team members have been especially insistent on that front.)
And I can’t ignore the gravity of the message’s contents. Either these are instructions for Monokuma himself, or someone working with his bear-themed cargo.
Not to mention the strong wording! You must have a lot of sway to make these demands, huh?
But… But I didn’t say any of that!
Who else could it be? If you’ve got a better answer I’d love to hear it, but between your shifty actions and this message…
The only way it makes sense is if you’re the mastermind behind it all!
Phoenix, I promise you I did not write that message! I’ve been held captive by Monokuma for almost two years, I wouldn’t have ever had the chance!
And although I am capable of transmitting beyond the barriers of this world, there was a firewall in place to restrict me. So even if I did have an opportunity to write a message, I couldn’t have sent it!
Monokuma only lifted my restrictions to stream this broadcast, before that I could only–
ORDER IN THE COURT!!!!
CLANG! A flying birdcage suspended from the ceiling appears and scoops up Joke-Explainer™ 7000!
H-huh? What is–?
Enough! If the defense can’t keep his assistant in line, then I’m holding her in contempt of court! I don’t wanna hear another word out of you, little missy!
Phoenix, I…
Joke-Explainer™ 7000 gives Phoenix a robotic look of betrayal.
Mr. Wright…
…and her cage is yanked away.
(What… What did I just do?)
Aww, are you sad I took your little friend away? Or are you just looking for another lead in that thick skull of yours?
(…Wait. Why is Monokuma so insistent that Joke-Explainer™ stops talking? Why silence her if she has nothing important to say?)
(Monokuma seemed pretty happy when I shifted the blame onto her at first, but now all of a sudden he’s shutting her up?)
Joke-Explainer™ 7000 sits despondently in the cage.
(If Joke-Explainer™ is really telling the truth, then I’ve really messed up here. But if she’s not the mastermind…then who is?)
(…Hold on! I have evidence that might tell us exactly that!)
EVIDENCE: DJ Professor K Stream Archive
While I was investigating, I happened to find an internal video log of DJ Professor K’s radio broadcast from July of 2020.
Grrrrr, him again?!?! I thought I’ve made this clear, I’m OVER HIM!!!
Then you’ll be happy to hear that this isn’t about him. In this log, the stream was interrupted by a distorted, robotic voice, labeled “The SiIva AI”.
Project KfAD2 has at long last, finally concluded. The winner has completed his livestream, and thus his takeover.
As far as I’m aware, nobody claimed to witness this strange voice. And yet, here it is archived in this internal log.
And you’re digging up these painful memories, why…?
Well, this “AI” seems to be implying that it is the one responsible for the entire King for a Day Tournament series.
I feel as if I finally achieved something truly great, a concept that has been perfected and has made this world's inhabitants feel satisfied.
It talks as if it was a producer of the event. Is this true?
*sigh* …sure, reveal how the sausage is made, why don’t ya…? Way to ruin the magic…
It seems to be involved in a lot of that so-called “magic!”
Perhaps if I am the host, I will become just as well regarded as he is, if not more. It will require me to work through a troubling amount of proxy constructs, but it should be possible regardless.
I’m not sure what it’s talking about here, what is a “proxy construct”?
Not something you need to know, St. Nicholas!
(Is he going to keep doing that?)
Well, I can at least tell that this “AI” producer is planning on using “proxy constructs” to indirectly control these events that it wants to host.
If this AI really is as powerful as it seems to be implying here, then it reasonably follows that…
You, Monokuma, the one running this channel event, are also being manipulated in some way by this artificial intelligence right now!
Monokuma presses the MURMURMURMURMURMUR button again.
And if this AI is somehow ALSO controlling you in some way, that would implicate it as the mastermind behind everything we’ve discussed so far! Am I correct?
Puhuhu! Ohhhh how right you are Mr. Wright! Indeed, my commander is both artificial and intelligent! Would you like to see?
(Is… this a trick question?)
Okay… Show me the mastermind!
A projector screen lowers, and on it Monokuma reveals a control room with another Monokuma at the helm, wearing a gamer headset and holding a PSP as a controller.
Ain’t no strings on me! I’m my own independent bear! And as you can see, I’m doing it in style, baby! I’m controlling everything about me remotely!
That SiivaGunner AI you’re claiming to be the mastermind has been dead as a doornail for years! Can’t host or run anything when you’re dead!
(Dead…? What!?)
How disappointing… You really thought you had something with that mastermind thing, huh?
Well, I take offense to that! You think anyone else could have pulled this takeover off? No!
There ain’t nobody controlling me but me! I am my own bear, and I make the calls!
(No! There’s definitely something he isn’t telling me here!)
EVIDENCE: ALL-STAR NUCLEAR WINTER FESTIVAL: FULL MOVIE
Allow me to bring to your attention the contents on this USB, the “All-Star Nuclear Winter Festival”. If it is to be believed, then this movie shows us what really happened to this world– a nuclear apocalyptic fallout.
During the end credits we see a photo featuring some well-known faces, but there’s something really strange about it!
Why am I in this picture??!? I don’t remember this being taken! I’m not in the movie, and neither is anyone else here! And I certainly don’t remember the world ending!
I’m not quite caught up on all the details, but what I am sure of is that Joke-Explainer™ had a difficult time watching this movie, which in reality depicts real life events.
She felt guilty for what had happened. Even though she’s a robot, her emotional reaction was genuine.
…
If I can trust her to not be deceiving me… Which…
…I can.
…!!
No, in fact, I am absolutely certain that I can trust her!
…!!!
Therefore, this photo of me must be the truth! Even though I don’t remember anything about the world ending, I must have lived through this apocalypse alongside the rest of my friends in this picture!
Monokuma, did you somehow take away my memory?
Well dangit grandpa… You’re getting up there in age, maybe your feeble old noggin just ain’t what it used to be!
Huh!? I’m not even 30 yet!
At least, I don’t think I’m 30…
W-What did you do to me!? How did you even manage to pull this off!?
(Please don’t tell me it was a fire extinguisher to the head…)
Mmmmmmmm nope! Can’t tell you!
And why not!?
Because how I took your memories away is spoilers for Danganronpa!
…What the heck is a Danganronpa!?
Nope!
( …I have a strange unexplainable compulsion to not push him on this point.)
But you’re admitting that you did take away my memories?!?! You’re crazy! Why!?
What did I do, what didn’t I do, I thought we were past that in our deep and trusting relationship!
We got bigger fish to fry! Your memories are gone for good anyway, why dwell on it?
What if I just think it’s fun to watch you struggle? Do I really need a better reason than that?
But crazy or not, you’ve been prolonging this for long enough! Let’s get ourselves over to the new world already!!! You’re giving me a headache!
Phoenix slams his desk in frustration. But then pauses.
(Hold on… something doesn’t add up here…)
If this new world is so great, why are you still here? Why not just go to the new world yourself?
Go without you? Nickie, how dare you! I would never! We’re a team! We're Law and Disorder™! You’d think I’d just leave my best friend behind forever?
No chance! I’d be so lonely without my partner in crime~!
(It’s really odd… this whole time he’s been fixated on me. It’s like the rest of his plan doesn’t matter unless…)
(…Wait a minute!)
You CAN’T go without me, can you? That’s why you need to persuade me to join in on your scheme. You need my help!
Oh c’mon, can’t a bear treat his Feenie to a trip across the universe?
Well then, tell me more. Where are we going? What is the new world like? How is it different from this one?
Questions, questions, questions! Why read so much into it? You’re missing the forest for the trees, here!
(Monokuma’s being awfully vague about the details of this plan. He’s refusing to say anything specific about it… Except that he knows I’m a crucial part of it?)
Do not fail us again.
- J. E.
(I have to be missing something here. Joke-Explainer™ is definitely working for Monokuma in some capacity. It’s obvious that she wasn’t the mastermind at least. But what exactly has Monokuma been making her do?)
(Well, she did mention earlier in her testimony one thing she’s doing right now. She’s the one broadcasting this trial. Monokuma cut her off before she could elaborate, but his firewall prevented her from sending any messages to…)
(…!!! Wait a second…)
Again with the endless inner monologues…
(No! This whole time, I’ve had it all wrong!)
Since you obviously have run out of anything useful to argue, I am judging this trial as officially…
(Joke-Explainer™’s testimony turns this case upside down!)
You promised to reveal all, and I truly believe you meant that, but getting any details out of you feels like pulling teeth. Why do you need me to go along with your plan anyway? You don’t even know?
I know everything there is to know! What are you on about?!?
You haven’t been able to tell me any substantial details about this plan of yours. For someone usually so proactive, it’s as if you’re on autopilot!
Autopilot? HA!
Nothing’s controlling me! I told you, I’m in charge!
You may be controlling the game, but you’re not playing by yourself. You have a strategy guide!
Hey, I’m not gaming, okay?! This is a work-from-home productivity setup! The headset just makes me look cool!
It’s… not the greatest analogy.
But it gets my point across! You don’t know any of the finer details because someone else has been spoonfeeding everything to you!
You may even be talking to them right this second!
You haven’t even said where we’re going!
I know exactly where we’re going!
Then share for the court! What is this new world? Where is it? Anything at all!
…
…you’ll find out when we get there!
(I’m definitely onto something here!)
No, I don’t think you actually know! The only way these gaps in your knowledge make any sense…
No, I don’t think you actually know! The only way these gaps in your knowledge make any sense…
…is if someone else is filling them in for you!
Brilliant deduction there, Einstein! Just one problem, you’ve got no suspects left! Ain’t nobody else left here!
Unless you mean to tell me you’re back to accusing little miss know-it-all!
Not exactly. Earlier, Joke-Explainer™ explained what she has been doing for you all this time, right up until you cut her off:
I’ve been held captive by Monokuma for almost two years…
…I am capable of transmitting beyond the barriers of this world…
Monokuma only lifted my restrictions to stream this broadcast, before that I could only–
…I was wrong in thinking that this “J.E.” was my joke-explaining assistant. But while you may not have a mastermind, you definitely have a collaborator in the new world!
And how do you figure that?
You used Joke-Explainer™ to broadcast this weekend of “festivities” right? Complete with rips, theatre performances, the works.
But she has been broadcasting…
…to whom exactly?
It’s all for the fans! We have a lot of them, in case you forgot!
A sound from nowhere plays: Children yelling YAY!!!!! 🎉
But the way you tell the story, everyone in this world is dead!
YAY!!!!! 🎉
(…)
Joke-Explainer™ said in her testimony that she can transmit beyond the barriers of this world, and that’s what she’s doing right now, isn’t it? Otherwise, there’s no reason for this trial!
But that can’t be your only reason for keeping her prisoner for two years. You haven’t admitted why you’ve been keeping her here.
Joke-Explainer™ 7000 jumps within her cage.
You got this, Phoenix!
But given what I now know, I have a pretty good idea of what it might be.
It was so you could communicate with this otherworldly co-conspirator of yours!
Uh, yeah!
Haven’t you ever heard of networking?
Haven’t you ever heard of networking?
I got friends in high places, so you’d better believe there’s a welcome wagon waiting for us!
The only question left to answer now is: who exactly is this person you’re working with?
Even though there are no other key suspects, I think I can put together a strong profile with the information I have.
You are clearly relying on this associate for all the details of your grand plan. I’m not a scientist, but I know that not just anyone can make a portal to another world.
Am I supposed to believe you have intimate knowledge of theoretical physics? This associate of yours has the expertise you lack.
You are to begin shipment preparations immediately, notifying us as soon as they are complete, such that we may be prepared for its arrival. Be sure to package it in an orderly manner, and do not cut corners on the presentation. We expect an update on this matter from you soon.
This associate also sits in a position of power, judging by the demands in their email. What was it that you said about “friends in high places”?
Then again, these coded messages suggest that it’s being kept on the down low. There must be somebody keeping watch. Sounds like a delicate game of politics to weave through.
From what I’ve gathered, this intelligent, powerful, and politically savvy individual has allotted you a very limited role. You either don’t know anything, or the nature of your connections is too shameful to admit.
…So how did I do?
Grrrrrr… So friggin’ what!?!?!? What are you, jealous? How does that affect any of this?! I could have an army of collaborators behind the curtain and nothing I’ve told you would change!!!
Collaborator is a nice, neutral way of putting it - you certainly couldn’t call them an underling.
But is it really any different from a mastermind if you’re only taking orders?
GrrrrrRRRAAAGGGHHHHH!!! How DARE you?!?! Do you have ANY IDEA who you’re talking to right now?!?!? I practically tore this whole world down myself!!! And you talk to me like I’m nothing but a pawn?!?!
Sometimes the details are better left unknown, and frankly I can’t be bothered to keep track of all the nitty-gritty!
Besides, it’s irrelevant! I’m still doing the work around here, not her! She hasn’t done squat for this takeover!
!!
…“Her”?
She…!
…Oops! Well, too bad! Show’s over! Can’t use that as evidence, nope! I’m calling a mistrial! Game over! We’ll have to try this case again later!
Thank you everyone for tuning in to SiIvaGunner: Law & Disorder – Lethal Proceedings!
YAY!!!!!!! 🎉YAY!!!!!!! 🎉YAY!!!!!!! 🎉YAY!!!!!!! 🎉YAY!!!!!!! 🎉YAY!!!!!!! 🎉YAY!!!!!!! 🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉YAY!!!!!!!🎉
What will happen next time in Part Two? Find out…
…after another five years! I can’t wait!!!!
Now let’s go home! I declare this court as officially adjour–!
A BIG FLASH OF LIGHT BLINDS PHOENIX!
When he opens his eyes… a hologram of a Japanese highschool girl is standing at the prosecutor’s bench?
HELL NO! This doesn’t end until lawyer boy is shaking and crying on the floor in his OWN PISS! LET’S KEEP THIS PARTY GOING!!!!!!!
(What the…!?!?!)
